Song Highlight: Follow You Into the Dark
"Catholic school is vicious as roman rule" - lyrics from Death Cab for Cutie.
This lyric brilliantly summarizes my thoughts on 1,700 years of institutional psychology: and the idea that the Church seamlessly follows the trail of Empire, the brutal Roman epoc.
There's something profound about how certain songs hit us at exactly the right moment - when our bodies and minds are already processing something deep, and suddenly the music gives us language for what we couldn't articulate.
The singer remembers someone at Catholic school saying "fear is the heart of love" - and his immediate recognition that this was fundamentally wrong.
“I held my tongue when she told me ‘Son, fear is the heart of love’, so I never went back.”
“If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied…” (depicted as having human emotions that break and fray and, like us, are fragile, and capable of returning to peace)
“If you find yourself alone, I will follow you into the dark.” (incredibly powerful idea that we are not alone, and find peace with others)
“Waiting for the hint of a spark” (as in every relationship, for always, or inspiration, or idea…)
“The time for sleep is now, there’s nothing to cry about”
The song makes a simile (samesies), rather than a metaphor of the two: the church AS roman rule, which is powerful and rebellious as is, but really, they ARE one and the same.
YUNGBLUD & Halsey cover Death Cab for Cutie 'I Will Follow You Into The Dark'
This song came up as I was obsessing over a new artist for me, who happened to cover this song. I have been in a mood lately, and all I want to do is hide away and listen to moody music. And cry. Music is a conduit for inspiration, art, feeling on deep, deep levels. It hits sometimes in ways that I cannot articulate. Some songs, whether it is frequency, or some other thing I cannot explain, make me tear up. Some of them, like the National Anthem, and “Silent Night” can make me cry just humming the tune.
And I just have this feeling that I don’t want anything else right now. I wish I knew what this meant. Is my body working through something? Potentially sick, and I need an emotional connection? SO strange. This is what my body is asking for: isolation and feelings and sounds. It is an anomoly to dissect. But saying our feelings outloud helps dissipates them. This is one reason it is important to teach children to explain what they are feeling. So consider this me practicing.
Music is inextricably linked to religion and spirituality. And of course, many religions put restrictions on music, showing even more strongly, its power, more than anything else. Why would major institutions give a damn what song is humming in our minds?
We love it when artists play a song and even more: when they sing it with drama, making it cinematic, with the feeling that makes US feel something while just watching or hearing it. We expect them, at every performance, over and over, to display the same vulnerability and essentially- breakage, of external control- which, time after time, would, we can only imagine, feel more like acting. Like telling something exciting to someone, then having to tell others immediately after with the same emphasis- to me, that is hard, it feels like lying, rather than having the same explosive quality the first time. Well, that is what we expect of singers, often ones who may have sung a song everyday for YEARS! sometimes decades. And some singers refuse, while others embrace it. Bob Dylan was known for doing, and advocating, for musicians and artists to follow their inspiration, to not stop the storm of creativity, while others embrace the fan reaction, the storytelling experience for the listener, rather than the creator.
Both are necessary- all are unique, and as humans we like the novelty and the familiar, like any breath in or out, eating after eating again, and watching the leaves blow on a tree with light falling through it- expectation with a slight nuance of the unexpected. THAT is what we, as humans like. This is why seasons, seasonal changes, are so beautiful to us- it brings familiarity on a schedule, one spaced out enough to want it again. And the things that we experienced in childhood will always hit us harder than things that come later. They are more impactful- songs, religious icons, foods, tastes, smells, feelings, loves, because we are creatures of time. We are time-dependant. SCertain things develop on time scales. We have developmental milestones that have to be hit, or often we can be damaged. Force a human to be separated from love too long, and they become bitter forever. Prevent nutrition (providing fake foods), and you prevent growth at important moments that cannot be made up for later. Our biology, our dna, works on a time scale. Every cell has a shelf life, and a moment of activation. Many things happen in childhood, that cannot be made up for later. Some can, but also emotionally, like if parents show something that makes them scared, of them or the world or an element of what could become themeselves, the world seems shaky, and that feeling remains. We can do therapy later, but those images and thoughts will always be the scariest to us, or most impactful. This is why protecting children is so important- which is everything from preventing toxins in their food, to not talking bad about their parents (find a balance here…), because that parent is part of THEM, and can shake their idea of safety in the world. Too much stress at a young age puts a child in defense mode (vs growth, which cannot be simultaneous in the same cell, like the uterus- which can hold in a baby or push it out during birth- it is red or green- defense or growth). We want our children to be in growth mode, because they are CONSTANTLY growing, physically and mentally. As adults, we need cells to turnover, cell death is good- it means refreshing ourselves, cleaning up and taking out the trash. It means fertility. A cell that does not want to die- is cancer. It locks away the cell death button - autophagy-dependent- and wants to live forever. This is a problem. The trash does not get taken out, and like a zombie, it does the same for cells that get in enough contact with it. We WANT cell death, on a prescribed rythm. Same for humans, we do run out of energy eventually, and all of us are part of a cycle or recycling- of energy, of physical matter, even of memories. We still have tail bones, we are still evolving, and we will never stop. To stop evolving means to become extinct. We need to be able to adapt- always. We need to transition, pivot, be resilient. Humans are so good at taking over the world for a couple things: cooperation, as well as being scavengers. We can eat ALMOST anything, and live almost anywhere, in any climate. Like racoons and crows and other resilient creatures, we can thrive when more sensitive creatures require a smaller set of constants. This makes us human. This makes us alive. We have to adapt, and we have to adapt scripture, similarly. The words need to make sense in our language of our time. And that is the beauty of all this religious speak- these stories, are rehashed over and over, seemingly different, but studying cross culturally have SO MANY similarities. We are saying the same thing, but allowing the artist to stay true to herself, as well as the audience. Storytelling used to be an art- vocally altering the story slightly based on who was listenting, gauging what would get a reaction. Altering real time, pausing, emphasizing, changing words. When we started writing stories down, many epic people, Socrates included, recoiled. They said, if we write things down, we will de-volve. It is not evolution, it is laziness that will cause us to no longer rely on our memory, but need to read from a iphone or powerpoint with no feeling.
Now back to the lyrics that mirror my research:
When the song describes "Catholic school is vicious as Roman rule," it's identifying the same control system, refined and perfected over 1,700 years. That Vicious quality - sticky, clinging, hard to escape even after you've physically left - represents how both Roman imperial authority and Catholic institutional power reshape the internal voice that evaluates right and wrong. The narrator's decision to never go back after hearing "fear is the heart of love" represents a moment of clarity: when institutions explicitly equate terror with affection, they're revealing their entire mechanism. They're admitting the system maintains itself through psychological manipulation rather than genuine care for individuals. Someone may argue caring leads to the need for manipulation- but that is a very debateable stance.
The same Vicious control system just rebranded as spiritual rather than political. It’s not even well hidden: I was raised to write down “Roman Catholic” when asked my religion. I still barely know the difference between catholic and christian, never mind the “Roman” part.
Insight about human development and timing reveals why this Roman-to-Catholic transition was so successful. The world was emerging, under immense population boom, at this moment in time: the scary middle ages when most of the known European world was illiterate. Yes, the church BREEDS during illiteracy. Illiteracy isn't just the absence of reading - it's the presence of total dependency on authorized interpreters. Most people couldn't read scripture themselves. All religious knowledge had to be mediated by Church officials. Visual imagery became the primary teaching tool - hence the scary artwork depicting hell. Whether causation or correlation, (sure, maybe it was not planned that way, but it sure thrived here), we can see christianity grabbed hold the strongest in this moment. And this is where the scary imagery comes in.
Certain things develop on time scales - we have developmental milestones that, if missed or corrupted, create permanent psychological patterns. Consider the middle ages to be christianity’s teenage years. The best way to capture the heart of a people? Target the developmental window when children are forming their basic relationship to authority, love, and fear. When a child learns that "fear is the heart of love" during critical psychological development, that equation becomes neurologically embedded.
Santa is a remnant of this: good or bad has consequences, but zoomed out, this had much larger consequences intended for obedient zombie adults. Children in chronic stress enter defense mode rather than growth mode. But institutions like Catholic schools have perfected the art of creating just enough fear to maintain control without triggering complete shutdown. They calibrate the stress to keep children compliant but still developing within the institutional framework. Roman families were structured around patria potestas - absolute paternal authority backed by the threat of death. Children learned that love from authority figures was always conditional on perfect obedience. Then this idea was baptized.
Churches need predictable, repeatable performances of faith. Genuine spiritual experience is too chaotic for institutional management.
Humans crave familiarity on a schedule, spaced out enough to want it again, which explains why our religious calendars work so effectively. The Catholic Church inherited and perfected the Roman festival cycle, built on much more people-aligned cultures that it stole from and obliterated. They stole the song, and rewrote the lyrics. But the song still hits home SO STRONGLY.
But there is a problem - many, in fact- in the way the catholic/christian church AND empire works. It is like a parasite- it NEEDS new blood constantly, and zombie-like religious fervor, people who will attempt to grab others in, without ever questioning. If they do question, it is along accepted lines of questioning on the same hampster wheel of interpretation. Heresy is a crime, which really truly just means “choice” in interpretation.
Questioning became punishable by death. It still is in many countries. This system requires constant new converts and zombie-like fervor. People who will recruit others without questioning, or who question only along pre-approved interpretive lines.
It is a parasitic model that refuses to mutate. It is in itself a misunderstanding, misinterpretation, manipulation, AND mistranslation of the previous story. We thrive because we can adapt, and make the story our own. We need to be the hero’s of our own stories, we need to norm, storm, and perform to make our spirituality our own. We cannot live life totally comfortably, or there will be an innate uncomfortable feeling within us that forces us to confront and rebel- if we are lucky. I feel like we become sick if we do not face this. This is when you get families marrying daughters and sons before they have the ability of freedom and choice- overtaking the body’s wisdom of pheremones to choose a best mate for DNA- it puts politics above children’s well being. If all young families are allowed the freedom to make choices- if their choices are not limited due to scarcity of resources if they choose “wrongly”, the entire species benefits. A young preteenage 14 year old girl being asked by god- her boss- to be a mother, AS PUNISHMENT for some other woman’s sin of ASKING QUESTIONS (a once sacred thing! the thing that made HER powerful and holy as the seat of divine wisdom as Isis/Aset/Ishtar/Inanna) had to be retold to make her evil and punishable.
Healthy organisms require programmed cell death - autophagy that clears out damaged material. Cancer cells refuse to die and create systemic toxicity. Healthy psychological development requires regular questioning of inherited beliefs. Willingness to abandon damaged thought patterns. Interpretation and making everything one’s own. Openness to new information and perspectives- not erasing “natives” that exist” on the land so you can own it instead. HEALTH requires an acceptance that growth requires letting old versions of self "die" - a transformation that is so often told as a monster story. Those goddesses were always able to transform- into animals and beings- once magnificent, then considered sinister. The transformation of questioning from sacred to sinful reveals one of history's most devastating psychological manipulations. The goddesses who could transform, who embodied divine wisdom through inquiry, were reframed as dangerous and evil.
Institutions that do not allow questions are a psychological cancer. Identity concepts can't adapt to new information, like science- linguistics and archeology that tell us dates and facts that contradict a holy book- and the immense cover ups rather than listening. Questioning becomes the original sin, feminine curiosity becomes humanity's downfall. The psychological result: Half the population learns their natural intellectual gifts are spiritually dangerous.
But storytelling requires skill. Adaptive storytelling threatens doctrinal control. Basically, modern church personnel have become terrible story tellers. They rely on repitition rather than making it personal- which is why many churches are struggling. I grew up with a very cold religion, one that did not make me want to go. And if stories can change based on context, authority figures can't maintain interpretive monopoly. They have a problem. Moral frameworks feel "natural" but are actually programmed. They have to write everything down and declare it unchangeable. They transform living stories into dead dogma that requires professional interpretation. Stories that once adapted to human need become tools for human control.
The song's insight about vacancy signs represents the moment when the entire reward/punishment system reveals its emptiness.
When we say the NEXT life is more important than THIS life, we have a problem. People do unspeakably horrible things, in the name of a god or religion, because they see humanity as a tool to get somewhere else more important. This is a problem.
The Catholic church is still an empire: with 1.3 billion subjects. That is not including the other 40,000 versions of christianity that fight over tiny details of the story. When the Pope speaks, more people listen than ever obeyed any Caesar or King in history.
Fear is NOT the heart of love. That is control. True love means allowing a sprout to flourish. Providing it the air, soil and light and getting the bad stuff out of the way. Allowing the sprout to have stressors so it is strong, but also not totally overcome. Humans can be great for the earth. Religion and science work together for us, as long as we keep them in check. The real point is: Rome never fell. It just learned that controlling minds was more effective than controlling land.
The Musical Connection
Why These Songs Hit So Hard. Music bypasses rational defenses and connects directly to embedded memories and neural patterns.
My body asking for isolation, feelings, and sounds suggests you're working through something that requires emotional processing rather than intellectual analysis. The music is providing a safe container for whatever needs to emerge. This is why many religions restrict music - they understand its power to create emotional experiences outside official control. Music bypasses our rational defenses and speaks directly to our deepest subconscious. Maybe there are holy notes and frequencies. Sometimes words are not enough.
What if authentic love - of others, and oneself- actually means willingness to face uncertainty together? We can follow each other into uncertainty with love instead of following institutions into false certainty with fear.
Images from the video on a different cover of the same song.
And if anyone wants to feel SOMETHING, watch this video and tell me you do not cry:
YUNGBLUD - Zombie.
And this is where I spiraled. I love these dissections of voice: from Kiss’s, I Was Made for Loving You (yes, I watched all 15 minutes, to this Look at how it touches his fans. It is a real thing.
Watching artists present themselves in raw form only makes me feel more compelled to share my story, my thoughts, hoping to reach more and engage and maybe, spread a spark farther than I could ever have hoped to have my voice heard.
